did that just happen? spanish karenni hispanic asian japanese = Monday? Bibles, babies, alzeimers, Indian food, Respect Men, Captivating, dancing, sleeping, focused, prayer (not what you think) as movementfaithfulnesssilencelisteningteachingpatience.
Why is it so much easier to commit to one big thing instead of following Christ into the thousands of tiny actions I complete or start or try to do each day? what happens when home is not a building? what happens when i am exhausted? why can't home always be where I am? Displaced, not troubled. How do you even begin to teach someone a language? start where they are. accept where you are. Where am i? How can I accept me where I am while looking forward? Is progress real? I think I'm a mystic. Sometimes I want to be a nun - committing to one big thing is easier than 1000s of small things. One thousand. Can my students even fathom what that is? Today we practiced even and odd numbers. I hate standardized testing. Maybe strongly dislike. Like coffee - I dislike it and it's strong.
There's a blue exercise ball in my room, but I prefer to sit on the floor. I always sit on the floor. Like the man I met yesterday. Karenni is a strange language because I do not know it. it's amazing that people communicate in so many different languages and that there is little or great overlap. I think I might be a two-language kind of girl. I wish I knew arabic. then if I taught community esl classes, i could communicate with more students. most refugees don't speak spanish.
Spanish. it's hard for me to express myself in spanish. especially with church. i think it's good that I learn and that I'm uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable on saturday. I wish I knew how to handle being hit on in a gracious way. is that possible?
Animals are so nice. I like my dogs. they are really my parents' dogs though. in my parents' house. someday I will move out. David's moving out. not me. not yet. i'm waiting.
on the world to change? no. I should prep stuff for tutoring mañana. the first day is always hard to prep for. I learned that with my niños in spain. I miss them. I long for them. beautiful, beautiful niños. the new american there is named bryan. he lives with one of my most favorite families. heart friends, really. If I ever go back to spain (and I hope i do) it will be to visit paloma and alberto and ana. and abuela. and faby and abuela paquita (i hope she's still alive then) and mar and marta. everyone else will be good to see, but those people are family.
yesterday we had argentinean folk dancers at school. phew. well, he was argentinean and soo charming. his wife was mexican. they danced and the travel bug bit me. i wonder about that... so much desire for new and not becoming rooted. i thought of leandro, obviously. he's the most gypsy hippie person i've ever met in real life. i wondered what he'd think of my life now, working in a school, learning to give myself away. i don't think he'd understand, despite all his thoughts on freedom, love, and how in tune he was with what I'll call the spirit of life. Ana was like that too. bless her heart.
i like my life though. even if it makes no sense. a lot of things i thought didnt make sense to leandro though, especially when i couldn't explain them in spanish or english.
it's weird to lose your own language. and english is so easy compared to spanish right now. i need to practice more though. I should put my rice and beans in the fridge. they're definitely cold now. but I like sitting here on the floor. this is a long post. streams of conciousness always remind me of my friend Samantha. I haven't talked to her in a long time. that's a sad, but natural part of life. you can't always keep in touch with everyone you love. and i love pretty much everyone, but Sam's more than that, she's a heart friend. she was there, in spain, round one. mi compañera de piso y de habitación. de risas, de maria, y de tortilla que olió a tú sabes qué.
i miss the beach. i want to run on it, sleep under the stars, go on romantic walks, swing my feet off a pier. eat ice cream. i like winter though. that's new for me. and good.
okay i need to go now and write a coherent post or put away my rice or print groupons or figure out what i'm teaching tomorrow to my new friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment