Can I get a holla if your life has turned out to be nothing like how you thought it would be?
My personal first example of this is that I did not turn out to be long lost princess of some nation in turmoil. And I think we've all discovered that being a "grown-up" is a lot more work than it looks like from 2nd grade.
More seriously though, I can't really think of anyone whose life has turned out like they thought it would even just three years ago. Heck, even two years ago. To me, it seems like days keep rolling in like waves and I keep swimming, but it sure doesn't feel like I'm going anywhere. Then all of a sudden I realize I'm not where I was a year ago or even a month ago. And now doesn't look anything like what I thought it would. The stories that I keep trying to narrate for myself simply fall flat in the daily task of paddling my arms and kicking my feet.
And yet, God meets me - us - in those awkward flailing movements. I have begun to read Stanley Hauerwas' book Hannah's Child and he quotes Sven Birkerts: "there is no faster way to smother the core meaning of a life, its elusive threads and connections, than with the heavy blanket of narrated event."
I had to read that twice. Out loud.
I am learning that it is precisely in the disruptions, hiccups, and breaks from how we think life should go that God meets us. And sometimes, like the disciples en route to Emmaus, we don't even know until after it's over that it was God walking with us in what felt like pure disorientation and hell.
May you meet God on the route to wherever you're going today. And may God give you the grace to recognize it.
Thumbs up, Ellen!
ReplyDeleteReading this makes me feel more at peace with the fact that I don't have a "___-year plan". lol
As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
Holla.
ReplyDeleteThe last 5 years in my life have definitely had "how did I get here, what do I do now, and God where are you in this" as a recurring thread. But at the risk of encountering even more unexpected twists and turns, I think I've become somewhat accustomed to existing in a disoriented or confused state. Then again that statement seems way too oxymoronic :P. One thing I will say...it's made me much appreciate the vast islands of blessing that I do have. Like being able to see the colors of fall, and hear music that gives me goosebumps, eat pretty much anything I want on a whim, or just the ability to walk and to run when so many people can't do these things. These are mighty gifts.
I know what you mean though...the tendency to try to fit events into a narrative that you want to romanticize and almost idolize when the point was never our own stories, but the story of the master loving us. I get curious about the story He's weaving, about where I am and where I will be, and I find that I have to be somewhat vigilant about making sure that curiosity doesn't slide into some form of attempted control. I mean I honestly don't need or want control, but it just seems to slip into my brain automatically. Maybe it's the nature of our culture with 5 year plans and the like (like Rachael said).
It feels like there's a dichotomy there...that to be real we have to figure out how to live in tension between not caring about our life because it's only a passing mist and we're supposed to not really exist in this world; but we're also supposed to be good servants and stewards of our talents and everything God has entrusted to us right? So that means we have to live as though none of it matters while also taking excellent care of everything and not letting opportunities pass us by...it's challenging.
But I think Jesus in in that tension...it's actually at the extremes that I have a harder time finding Him. Maybe that's the purpose of those unexpected waves combined with little gifts...to keep us in tension? I'm not sure, but it feels like something is there anyway.
Unrelated: I just finished the chili and cornbread but have no idea how I'm going to get it + two crockpots to JW right after work. I'm going to have to refrigerate it all at work somewhere... But, I'm excited to have everyone eat it!!
Excellent comments friends. Raquael, did you talk about that quote one time at encuentro? I feel like someone did...
ReplyDeleteDavid, great thoughts. I enjoy thinking about and appreciating blessings, especially small ones that often get overlooked. And fall colors are much appreciated these days!
A lot of what you wrote really resonates with me. It seems like learning to live in the tensions and dichotomies is such a big part of life. And like it's a theme that we will always be exploring because it's so prevalent in the bible.
Today though feels like a day of rest, the sun is shining, it's beautiful outside, and the questions somehow make peace with themselves. I appreciate that.